Valentine’s Day isn’t exclusive to romantic love, says Robert Vandor, of LunchDates.com. If you’re not getting flowers this year, give them! “Pop into a Trader Joe’s after work and scoop up affordable flowers to distribute at a nearby nursing home,” he suggests. “Nothing feeds the soul like making others smile.” Afterward, you can reward yourself with fancy takeout from a high-end restaurant and relish in the fact that you spread love in an unexpected and authentic way, he adds.
Remember That Being Single Legit Isn’t the Worst Thing
Taking yourself out to dinner is majorly underrated. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as making a reservation at your favorite restaurant, getting dressed up just for you, and ordering everything that makes your mouth water, just because you can. Bring a good book or your favorite magazine (ahem, might we suggest ours?) and bask in how good it feels to treat yourself the way you want to be treated. You are your greatest valentine!
Plan a Galentine’s Day
If seeing other people’s #CoupleGoals pics on the ’gram is going to make you feel even more salty about your situation, delete the app entirely or be mindful of your scrolling. “Don’t spend too long on social media if images of romantic Valentine’s Day gifts and pictures are going to haunt you,” says Keisha Blair, author of Holistic Wealth: 32 Life Lessons to Help You Find Purpose, Prosperity, and Happiness.
Spread Love by Gifting Yourself or Others Flowers
Sexpert Kryss Shane has come up with an innovative way to spread the love even when you’re single: Set up a “Valentine’s Day Secret Santa (Secret Cupid?) with friends so that everyone feels joyous on this day.” Basically, everyone deserves candy, whether they’re single or not.
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You can also volunteer at a youth shelter, soup kitchen, or animal shelter. “Give away your time, energy, and skills unconditionally to serve others,” says Alexis Taylor, sex and relationship expert. It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when you’re single on Valentine’s Day, but “we don’t see others and recognize their basic needs when we are higher in the Maslow hierarchy and self-absorbed,” adds Taylor. Take that energy and spin it into something positive to help those less fortunate than us because there are problems worse than being single on Valentine’s Day.
Do Everything You’d Do if You Were Coupled Up
Reflecting on past relationships isn’t always the best thing to do, especially if you’re still remotely into any of your exes. But for better or worse, Valentine’s is the perfect opportunity to think about why things didn’t work out with your ex and realize that you deserve to be happy too.
Associate Sex & Relationships Editor
While you might be single, that doesn’t mean you only have to spend Valentine’s Day by yourself. Even if your friends are relationship’d up, plan ahead to make separate plans with them to have the best type of celebration there is: Galentine’s Day. Sip on some fun drinks, munch on little snacks, and take the time to appreciate the wonderful friendships you have with the women in your life.
Have a Long Facetime Catch-Up With Another Single Friend or Family Member
A Valentine’s Day dinner = pricey AF. Take the day as an excuse to spend less than you would on a fancy date or romantic getaway to get something totally unnecessary but fun for yourself. Like these cheapo pens on Amazon! Or this amazing foot scrub! Or some makeup!
Remember That Valentine’s Day Happens Only Once a Year
Let’s be real, most dates always end in Netflix anyway, which is great because you don’t need a partner to do that. There are plenty of things you can do by yourself that couples are also doing on Valentine’s Day. See a movie, order dessert, do anything that makes you happy. It’s totally great to be in touch with your emotions, but don’t buy into the idea that you need another person to be happy, says Adina Mahalli, MSW.
“Don’t buy into the idea that you need another person to be happy.”
Hibernate
If you’ve said or texted the words “we’re overdue for a catch-up!” in the past six months, go ahead and put it on the cal. Whether it’s a friend you haven’t seen in ages or a family member back home who’s also kicking it solo today, grab a glass of wine and get the low-down on how they’re doing. It always feels good to be there for someone, and to catch them up on all the new happenings in your life.
Go On a First Date
And if you’re feeling FOMO from not having a significant other to spoil on the holiday, why not treat your friends instead? “It’s always important to treat yourself and the important people in your life,” Perry says, even if they’re not necessarily your romantic partners.
Spend the Night With Your Vibrator
Real talk: The most important relationship you can have is with yourself, which is why spending V-Day solo can be a really great opportunity to connect with your mind. Licensed psychotherapist Markesha Miller suggests writing yourself a love letter. “Celebrate you and the progress you have continued to make in your life. Talk about the future that you anticipate for yourself,” she says. “This is the perfect time to fall in love with yourself.”
Take the Day Off From Instagram
Let’s just start by getting the very obvious (but very important!) out of the way: Being single on Valentine’s Day—much like being single on literally any other day of the year—is very much not a big deal. (And, TBH, I kind of don’t understand how or why we’ve even been conditioned to think that it is?) It’s also not a reflection of your attractiveness, your value as a human being, or any of the other things Hallmark movies, rom-coms, and/or the Valentine’s Day Industrial Complex want us to believe it is. Whether you’re single by choice (hi, yes, that is a real and valid choice that people make!), getting over a breakup, or stuck in an ambiguous situationship, there’s literally nothing weird about not having a romantic partner—on Valentine’s Day or any other day.
In the past, Valentine’s Day might have been a celebration for couples, but you don’t have to stick to that. Venessa Marie Perry, MPH, founder of The Love Write, tells her “clients to plan something special for themselves or with other single friends.” As Perry explains, something as simple as hosting a dinner with other singles so that you can enjoy some laughter among friends can take away any negativity you might have about the occasion.
The cool thing about Valentine’s Day being in February is that it’s still pretty early in the year. So if you need an activity or goal to channel all that single-and-sufficient energy into, you can totally look at the list of New Year’s resolutions you probably found yourself neglecting already. Did you plan on becoming healthier? Trying a new hobby? Reading more? Not doing anything on Valentine’s Day? Now you are.
Do Some Pre-Spring Cleaning
You don’t even have to do anything special on Valentine’s Day to get through it. Wake up whenever you usually do, brush your teeth, have some breakfast, and go about your day just like it was any other. Because sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself to avoid feeling sad is to pretend that the holiday doesn’t even exist. There’s always next year!
Write Yourself a Love Letter
Kayla Kibbe (she/her) is the Associate Sex and Relationships Editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers all things sex, love, dating, and relationships • She lives in Astoria, Queens and probably won’t stop talking about how great it is if you bring it up • Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
