Psychotherapist Hilda Burke says, “Many singletons imagine their coupled-up counterparts are having a better time of it, particularly on Valentine’s Day. It’s human nature to think that the grass is always greener. But the fact is that being single is no better nor no worse than being in a couple.”
And if you’re feeling FOMO from not having a significant other to spoil on the holiday, why not treat your friends instead? “It’s always important to treat yourself and the important people in your life,” Perry says, even if they’re not necessarily your romantic partners.
Spend the Night With Your Vibrator
You can also volunteer at a youth shelter, soup kitchen, or animal shelter. “Give away your time, energy, and skills unconditionally to serve others,” says Alexis Taylor, sex and relationship expert. It’s easy to feel bad about yourself when you’re single on Valentine’s Day, but “we don’t see others and recognize their basic needs when we are higher in the Maslow hierarchy and self-absorbed,” adds Taylor. Take that energy and spin it into something positive to help those less fortunate than us because there are problems worse than being single on Valentine’s Day.
Do Everything You’d Do if You Were Coupled Up
You don’t even have to do anything special on Valentine’s Day to get through it. Wake up whenever you usually do, brush your teeth, have some breakfast, and go about your day just like it was any other. Because sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself to avoid feeling sad is to pretend that the holiday doesn’t even exist. There’s always next year!
Write Yourself a Love Letter
After all, being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day comes with its own set of anxieties and pressures. If you’re single, you have the luxury of being selfish and putting your own needs first.
Remember Your Ghosts of Valentine’s Days Past in a Productive Way
Just like every other holiday, it’s important to remember that it’ll soon be over. “It’s just a day,” clinical psychologist Rebekah Montgomery, PhD, tells Cosmopolitan.com. “It’s just a commercialized holiday—engage in some extra self-care and TLC to make it through the 24 hours.”
Sexpert Kryss Shane has come up with an innovative way to spread the love even when you’re single: Set up a “Valentine’s Day Secret Santa (Secret Cupid?) with friends so that everyone feels joyous on this day.” Basically, everyone deserves candy, whether they’re single or not.
Real talk: The most important relationship you can have is with yourself, which is why spending V-Day solo can be a really great opportunity to connect with your mind. Licensed psychotherapist Markesha Miller suggests writing yourself a love letter. “Celebrate you and the progress you have continued to make in your life. Talk about the future that you anticipate for yourself,” she says. “This is the perfect time to fall in love with yourself.”
Take the Day Off From Instagram
Relationships editor Christal D. Jordan says it’s important to remember that people who hurt you are better left in your past: “This year, you aren’t in a relationship with a cheater, which is actually a step in the right direction. Would you rather be spending Valentine’s Day with someone who is disrespecting you?”
Use the Time to Connect With Your Single Friends
Let’s be real, most dates always end in Netflix anyway, which is great because you don’t need a partner to do that. There are plenty of things you can do by yourself that couples are also doing on Valentine’s Day. See a movie, order dessert, do anything that makes you happy. It’s totally great to be in touch with your emotions, but don’t buy into the idea that you need another person to be happy, says Adina Mahalli, MSW.
“Don’t buy into the idea that you need another person to be happy.”
Hibernate
You don’t have to have a partner in order to take some fire nudies of yourself. Valentine’s Day is all about love, but it’s also a super-sexy holiday—even if you’re celebrating it alone. There are plenty of lingerie sales going around, so pick up something for yourself and have a sultry photo shoot. You don’t even have to send it or post it anywhere. Sometimes all you need to feel better about being single on Valentine’s Day is reminding yourself how freaking hot you are.
Have a Regular Day
Let’s just start by getting the very obvious (but very important!) out of the way: Being single on Valentine’s Day—much like being single on literally any other day of the year—is very much not a big deal. (And, TBH, I kind of don’t understand how or why we’ve even been conditioned to think that it is?) It’s also not a reflection of your attractiveness, your value as a human being, or any of the other things Hallmark movies, rom-coms, and/or the Valentine’s Day Industrial Complex want us to believe it is. Whether you’re single by choice (hi, yes, that is a real and valid choice that people make!), getting over a breakup, or stuck in an ambiguous situationship, there’s literally nothing weird about not having a romantic partner—on Valentine’s Day or any other day.
Associate Sex & Relationships Editor
The best part? When you’re celebrating you, that means you get to celebrate on your own terms. In other words, being single on Valentine’s Day means you get to spend an entire day doing whatever TF you want. In case you’re in need of a little inspiration, here are a whole bunch of ways you can make the most of February 14 as the wonderfully single and sufficient person you are. You’re welcome, babe.
You don’t have to sit by and watch as the world around you celebrates romantic love and couples. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, what better day to go out and do it? Whether it’s a cooking class, a language class, or even a workout class, focusing on yourself and putting that energy into a new skill is a great way to pour all that love into your brain.
Get Some Retail Therapy In
It might not be spring yet, but get ahead of it! Clean out your closet, make a “donate” pile, throw out expired makeup and skincare, go through your fridge and throw out the banana that’s been sitting in the back for the past month (I’m not judging you, this is a mental note for me too)—you get it. Have your favorite movie on in the background or queue up Midnights, order your fave sushi, and at the end of the night you’ll have both a clean space and a clean slate.
Have a Sexy Photo Shoot
Sadie Allison, founder of sex-toy boutique TickleKitty.com, encourages women to enjoy their alone time while they can. “Sexual self-pleasure is a perfect tide-you-over between relationships and you can make a whole date out of it,” she says.
Start a Valentine’s Day Secret Santa With Friends
The cool thing about Valentine’s Day being in February is that it’s still pretty early in the year. So if you need an activity or goal to channel all that single-and-sufficient energy into, you can totally look at the list of New Year’s resolutions you probably found yourself neglecting already. Did you plan on becoming healthier? Trying a new hobby? Reading more? Not doing anything on Valentine’s Day? Now you are.
Do Some Pre-Spring Cleaning
