28 Tips to Last Longer During Sex

Let’s get one thing straight: longer sex is not necessarily better sex. There’s obviously a time and place for a hot and dirty, gotta-have-it-rn quickie, (it’s everywhere, all the time, IMO) and most of us have, at one time or another, found ourselves staring at our metaphorical watches mid-sex wondering when exactly this sesh is gonna wrap up (be honest). That said, there are times when an extended sex session is just what the doc ordered. Whether you’re looking to up the romantic vibes by slowing things down or maximize your pleasure with a marathon sex session, sometimes you just want sex to last longer.

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If lasting longer in bed is your goal, it’s certainly a worthwhile one. According to psychotherapist Rachel Wright, a sex expert for Zumio, longer sex means more time for connection, communication, and pleasure, as well as more orgasms and increased heart rate. In other words, sign us up.

“The most obvious benefit of an extended sex session is more time for pleasure for everyone involved,” says sex therapist Casey Tanner, a sexpert for Lelo. “Some people need more time to reach orgasm or have satisfactory sex, so being on the same page with their partners about the ideal length of sex is crucial to a happy and healthy sex life.”

But before we get into how to make sex last longer, let’s clarify what we’re actually talking about when we talk about “sex.” Spoiler, we’re definitely *not* just talking about penetrative intercourse. One of the biggest misconceptions about what it means to last longer in bed is that it all comes down to how long a penis-having partner can maintain an erection.

“‘Longer sex,’ or “‘longer in bed,’” isn’t necessarily having penetrative sex for a longer period of time,” says Wright. Despite what years of sexist, heteronormative conditioning may have led you to believe, sex isn’t defined by P-in-V intercourse that ends in (usually male) orgasm. Reframing your definition of sex to one that includes all forms of erotic touch, play, and intimacy is step one to making it last longer.

“My definition of sex is a meaningful experience of pleasure—so the entire time you’re experiencing pleasure, that’s sex,” says Wright. Thus, longer sex isn’t necessarily about erections, orgasms, or penetration. “It’s about making the meaningful experience of pleasure and connection have a larger container.”

Moreover, if you’re super hung up on lasting longer in bed, you may just be doing yourself a disservice. “Sometimes when people are so hyper-focused on lasting longer, they forget to actually enjoy themselves and be present in the moment,” says Tanner. That said, there are plenty of totally valid reasons for wanting sex to last longer. After all, who doesn’t want more of a good thing?

If that’s the case, try some of these expert-recommended tips the next time you head to Pleasureville, no timers, clock staring, or thrust counting required.

1. Use a masturbation cup.

One of the best ways to learn and harness your own arousal is to understand it. And not to get all “coach” on you, but practice makes perfect.

While whoever’s trying to last longer can simply masturbate more the old school way (like, with their hand), you’ll actually get a lot more out of your training sesh by utilizing a sleeve or masturbation cup, like the Turboo from Tracy’s Dog. The dynamic penis vibrator mimics a body more than a hand, and the act of inserting and sitting back for pleasure is a much more effective way to learn to prolong reaching climax.

Turboo Automatic Masturbation Cup

Tracy’s Dog


2. Figure out what “longer sex” really means to you and your partner(s).

              Sex, and whatever goals you may have around it, can mean very different things to different people. If you want to extend your sex sessions, start by talking to your partner(s) about what that really means. “Talk about what ‘making sex last long’ means to each person involved. Is this extending oral sex? Penetrative sex? Anal play? Make sure that you’re on the same page in terms of what ‘sex’ means to each of you,” says Wright. Also, get clear on just how much longer you’re talking about. Is “longer” an extra ten minutes? An hour of aftercare? Or an all-night bang sesh?

              3. Condoms are your friend.

              I probs don’t need to tell you there are so many reasons to reach for a condom when having any type of sex, but I’m gonna say it anyway. They help protect against STIs and pregnancy. They make cleanup easier. They oftentimes make sex feel better for the receiver (since there are ribbed and lubed options out there). And if you’re trying to last longer in bed, international sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, Kenneth Play, says condoms are basically like your secret weapon.

              In general, condoms can slightly decrease sensitivity, but Play suggests trying thicker condom options if you really want to prolong the experience. Also, FYI, you never want to use two condoms at once because that greatly increases the chance of the condom ripping which = bad news for all around.

              4. Reduce stimulation.

              If you find yourself orgasming quicker than you’d like, it might be a matter of too much stimulation. That’s why Daniel Saynt, the founder of a private members’ sex club in NYC called The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), suggests exploring more ways to reduce sensitivity. “Consider desensitizing gels to extend your playtime [and] take time away from your own stimulation to focus on your partner’s,” he explains.

              5. Change your goal.

              Granted, orgasms are pretty great. But if the main goal of your sex sesh is to simply get off, you’re both gonna pay a lot of attention to the climax as opposed to the rest of the sex. And spoiler: The rest of the sex can be pretty damn great too.

              “Make it an experience, not a one-and-done thing,” advises Claudia Aguirre, the co-founder and vice president of sex-positive travel brand, Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. Instead of just aiming to orgasm, Saynt adds you could instead try setting a different goal for your playtime like planning a BDSM scene, trying role play, or simply watching porn together.

              6. Switch up the location.

              Remember how on Sex and the City, Charlotte’s first husband, Trey MacDougal, had some problems getting aroused in bed but managed just fine in other places? I’m not advising you to get frisky in the back of a cab, but Aguirre says having sex in different locations can stop your body from expecting what comes next, and instead, be more in the moment.

              “Doing something new creates a sense of excitement,” she explains, which in turn, can help your body stay grounded and avoid going on autopilot to completion. So yes, this means it’s time to sex on your couch, your kitchen table, and shower sex.

              7. Take up Jiu Jitsu.

              Learn a new hobby, get some prime IG content, and up your sex game? Yes, plz. “Martial artists learn to stay calm in stressful environments,” explains Play. “What triggers orgasm is sympathetic arousal (fight or flight), so if you learn to manage your arousal/stress level outside of sex, you’re more likely to do it in bed.” Jiu Jitsu can help you learn to manage your emotions and harness your arousal so you can pull back if you start to feel you’re getting to the point of no return, climax-wise.

                  8. Set aside uninterrupted time for sex.

                  Look, there’s nothing wrong with allotting time for sex on your calendar. I’m not saying you need to plan it every week, but sending your partner a sexy Gmail calendar invite for when you want to jump their bones is hooottt.

                  And as for how this can help make sex last longer: “Carving out time in between meetings or other obligations will make you feel rushed and may negatively impact the experience,” says ob-gyn Tamika K. Cross, MD. Dedicate the whole evening (or morning or afternoon) to your sexcapade, my friend.

                  9. Practice deep breathing techniques.

                      Energy healer and tantric expert Ali Duncan suggests practicing your breath work. “Breath allows the energy to flow through the body in such a way that it takes the intensity of the sensations in the lower body and runs it through the rest of the body.”

                      She says: “Breath can support full-body orgasms without rejection or a genital orgasm.” Try circle breathing and microcosmic orbit breath to practice, as they are the ones most practiced in tantra, suggests Duncan.

                      10. Dabble in some CBD fun.

                          “Use cannabis or CBD the next time you have sex,” says clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, PhD, a sexuality expert with SexToyCollective.com. According to a study by cannabis delivery company Eaze and sex toy company Lioness, 73 percent of survey participants agreed that cannabis increased the length of their partnered sex. Oh, and CBD apparently increased the session by 51 percent, y’all. 51 percent!

                          11. Remember that “sex” doesn’t just mean penetration.

                          Everyone has a different definition of what sex means to them. In this context specifically, it’s important to keep in mind that “sex” doesn’t strictly mean penetration. It can also include loads, and loads, and loads of foreplay, kissing, and sensual touch like massage. Warming up will increase your odds of orgasm and this way, you won’t be totally bothered by penetration that only lasts a few minutes. Also, sex doesn’t have to end just because one of you orgasmed! Let that sink in for a sec.

                          12. Actually, maybe just put penetration on the back burner for a bit.

                          Sure, you know penetration doesn’t have to be the main event, but what if penetrative intercourse doesn’t have to be part of sex at all? “If intercourse is part of your sex life, you can try delaying intercourse or opting out of intercourse altogether to last longer,” says Tanner. “Extended sex sessions do not necessarily mean that multiple orgasms need to occur, or that an erection needs to last longer. Extended sex sessions can be sensual rather than explicitly sexual and don’t necessarily need to involve penetration.” Just an idea!

                          13. Have them tap into lower levels of arousal.

                          Xanet Pailet, author of Living an Orgasmic Life, explains that sometimes people with penises who struggle to last long during sex are so highly aroused, they can’t prevent ejaculation from happening until it’s too late. “To be able to last longer during sex, [they] need to learn how to hang out at lower levels of arousal for long periods of time.”

                          14. Try a penis ring.

                          It’s not a one-size-cures-all solution, but as Carol Queen, PhD notes, some people find that a penis ring helps them last longer, so it’s worth a try. As Lisa Finn, brand manager and sex educator at Babeland, has told Cosmopolitan before, penis rings work by restricting the blood flow into the shaft of the penis, which can help maintain a stronger erection.

                          15. Practice mindfulness.

                          August McLaughlin, author of Girl Boner: The Good Girl’s Guide to Sexual Empowerment, says practicing mindfulness and breathing can also help slow ejaculation down. Bonus: Practicing mindfulness outside the bedroom can only help your game in bed too. “Use an app for guided meditation once a day or try mindful eating, where you focus on foods’ flavors and textures while avoiding distractions, such as your phone,” McLaughlin says.

                          16. Focus on the other partner’s pleasure to take the pressure off.

                          If things are getting too hot and heavy, McLaughlin recommends taking a step back and focusing the attention on the other partner’s pleasure instead. “When you stop what you’re doing once you’re super close to orgasm, then chill for a bit, then start again (sort of like sexual interval training),” arousal tends to skyrocket, she explains.

                          17. Slow down.

                          Okay, yes, this one may sound obvious, but sometimes the trick to making sex last longer is literally just slowing down. “Slowing down allows you to tap into a more sensual experience,” says Tanner “When you slow down and take deep breaths, you have a bit more control over your orgasm.” If you feel like you or your partner are rushing toward orgasm, just take a breather. Maybe suggest switching positions, breaking things up with a mid-coital cuddle sesh, or doing some deep breathing together.

                          18. Try training for it.

                          Seriously! If this premature finishing situation doesn’t stem from a medical issue for either one of you, it’s always possible to just try…having more sex. For some couples, it’s a matter of sexual endurance conditioning. Think of it the same way you’d go to a gym to get stronger. This is especially helpful if the partner in question doesn’t masturbate very often. I’m aware this sounds incredibly unsexy, but taking some of the novelty out of it can extend the time before an orgasm feels inevitable.

                          19. Have them use toys on you.

                          Sure, this might feel like “cheating” a little, but that shouldn’t matter when it comes to making sure you both orgasm. If your partner can’t last long enough for you to finish, wait until they’re close but not there yet and let them tag out and use a vibrator on you. Then they can tag back in when you’re both close to the finish line.

                          20. Spend more time on foreplay.

                          Yes, it might make the intercourse part a little shorter, but spending more time on foreplay so you’re more warmed up will extend the sex session on the whole and make sure you’re both satisfied.

                          21. Have them masturbate beforehand.

                          If you’ve seen There’s Something About Mary, you know having sex without masturbating is “like going out there with a loaded gun.” Ejaculating an hour or two beforehand makes it harder for anyone to come quickly. As Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, puts it, “You can build up arousal again with slow and intimate foreplay with your partner, so the person’s excitement is initially satisfied and they can better pace themself and sync up with their partner’s rhythm.”

                          22. Take advantage of the refractory period.

                          Who says sex needs to be limited to just one session? This one won’t work for everyone, but marriage therapist Lisa Thomas recommends starting things up again a few minutes after the first ejaculation of the sesh. “Many people with penises experience less sensitivity during the second erection,” Thomas explained. As long as you don’t mind waiting the few minutes (or switching back to foreplay), and they can get it up relatively quickly, you should have better results in round two.

                          23. Try something new and out of the ordinary in bed.

                          When you’ve been with the same partner for a while, your routine sex positions can make their body anticipate orgasm, and thus, make them cum a lot sooner. New positions and sensations will distract them and make them last longer. “The more (consensually) awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer.

                          24. Try edging.

                          When they’re about to orgasm, have them stop and wait about a minute or so before going back at it. Everyone has an orgasmic point of no return, an “ejaculatory inevitability,” as sex researcher Dr. Ian Kerner puts it. Edging trains their body to delay that point so they can spend more time on the edge (and more time pleasing you).

                          25. Squeeze the base of your partner’s penis.

                          If you are sexing with a penis owner, this is an old one that comes courtesy of sex researchers Masters and Johnson. You can do this with your hand or using a cock ring. It quite literally stops them from ejaculating. Think of it like bending a hose in half to stop the flow of water, but definitely do not bend the penis in half under any circumstances. Just give it a firm grip.

                          26. Do your workouts with sex in mind.

                          Kegels, yoga, and pilates all strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which help you control orgasm spasms. And hi, yes, penis-havers can do Kegels too. Find a workout you can do together or practice solo and compare notes the next time you’re naked in the bed post-gym.

                          27. Try perpendicular sex positions.

                          This is technically an outercourse position (sex that doesn’t involve vaginal intercourse), but it’s still a way to avoid the most sensitive areas of the genitals, whether you’re having P in the V sex or not. Spooning or facing each other on your sides is super enjoyable and can help slow down anyone who rushes to orgasm.

                          28. Medicate.

                          In some situations, your partner may want to consider seeing a doctor. A variety of prescriptions are available if premature ejaculation is a serious issue that’s negatively affecting your relationship. And while there are over-the-counter supplements that tout their ability to improve stamina, your best bet is to go through someone who knows what they’re talking about. Penis-havers can check in with a urologist to see what the issue is and what steps can be taken. And again as a general note, it’s *always* best to avoid supplements you can buy at a gas station.